Story Time

Hey y'all!

Let's cut right to the chase: My Spring Break was wonderful! :) Because I got to see this guy.

Corey came to visit me in California for Spring Break. It was fantastic. Among our adventures included Corey's first trip to both In N Out Burger and Yogurtland. That is some good stuff. :)

We visited UCI too, but didn't ever make it to the beach because the weather was awful. Who would have thought that if you choose to spend your Spring Break in California, it will be colder and more rainy than it is in Kansas just for that week? Haha!

He got to hang out with my family and meet my roommate (Erin) and some of my friends. I know they were all really excited to meet him. It was really fun and exciting, even if we all didn't get to hang out for super long. 

It was so awesome to have him here, since we haven't been in the same place since December, and won't be in the same place again until maybe July. Oh my beard. But God is so much bigger than 1600 miles, and (risking being extremely sappy) I'm super blessed to have Corey Tindall in my life. :)

The rest of my break was fun too. I got to sing in a high school friend's wedding. It rained and the wind was insane, but both the bride and the groom were beaming and that made the messed up hair and blue limbs worth it. It was truly gorgeous to see them exchange their vows and devote their relationship to Jesus. :)

Now commences the grueling last quarter of my college career. I've got to be honest, I'm really not a fan of getting back into the swing of classes. Spring Break was so great, and now I'm having to force myself to be productive again. I'm sure you all know the feeling.

I think the most irritating thing for me is that I'm super impatient about where my life is going. I've found myself looking forward to all the cool things that are coming, and being very frustrated that I have to wait for them.  Not that being excited about the future is wrong, but I'm not just excited--I'm pining. It's not the best the feeling.

Interestingly enough, I found wise words and solace from a book. Nope, not the Bible, folks. A textbook for my Beginning Fiction Writing class.

That may sound strange, but that's what happened. Tuesday afternoon I was sitting in my room trying to focus on reading this textbook, while all I wanted to do was get to what's next in my life, (without even fully being able to visualize that). I stumbled across this and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"We live in a society that doesn't offer any support or approval from ventures that aren't clearly articulated and alligned for a goal. A writer gets past this. It's going to be a mess before you're finished, and you may not have a name for the mess or understand it's utilitarian purposes." -- Ron Carlson Writes A Story

Nuggets of wisdom from a textbook on how to write a compelling story.

And it got me thinking about how often we don't think of our lives as being a story. On Project we focused so much on figuring out our testimonies, but at Keynote they prefer to call them "stories". Testimony implies something grandiose and intimidating--a giant tale of how God rescued you from the depths of a heroine addiction after losing your entire family in some house fire.

And that isn't to say that things like that don't happen, because they do, and God is faithful to rescue us from them. However, most people don't have a testimony like that. This is where the story comes in. Stories are small episodes of your life, not the whole thing. One moment where God made Himself so real to you that you couldn't ignore Him.

And yet in ALL of that, we as humans are discontent in not knowing the ending of our stories. I know I am. I have to have every detail planned out. And if I don't get it just right the first time, I have trouble reassessing.

So when Ron Carlson (the author of my textbook) tells me that I need to approach writing a story without knowing the ending, without knowing the details of the plot, without even knowing the main characters' names...well, that's a foreign concept to me.

And yet that's how God asks us to approach life. He wants us to trust that He has your best interest at heart. He wants us to hold tightly to Him, rather than try to plan out our 5-year plan. (Not knowing the end of the story.)

Not that God wants us to all go out into some field wearing clothes made out of hemp, waiting for Him to come out of a cloud and drop us into the middle of a successful career or loving relationship. He does however, ask us to move trusting that He will direct and correct our paths. Kind of like a loving, omnipotent editor, if we're continuing with the short story analogy.

Anyway, I hope this intrigued some of you. :) 

If any of you out there are keeping score I would love prayer in this area of my life. That I would be clinging to God and not to my own plan for my life. (Because I'm slowly seeing that plan disolve. Haha!)

Also, on a more concrete note, I can already tell my Post Tonal Music theory class is going to be miserable. I have sat through 2 lectures and understood maybe 10% of what out professor is talking about. It's like someone took Calculus and shoved it into music.

Thanks for reading everyone! Until next time!

--Hannah

So Much More Than Enough

Hey friends! 

It's Finals Week. Finally. I have been counting down the days until the end of the quarter all quarter long. Mostly, because Corey Tindall will be in Bakersfield in a grand total of 8 days! I'm so excited, but more about that in another blog entry. :)

My Finals Week was supposed to be pretty gross. I had two papers due today, my Piano final, and both my Psych final and my Music Analysis final tomorrow morning, back to back. Psych from 8:00--10:00 and Analysis from 10:30--12:30. Then absolutely nothing until Friday at 10:30.

I've been studying for Psych and Analysis all weekend, and I finished up my papers at the end of last week. So it's been a busy last few weeks.

Most of you will remember from my previous posts that I have to take a Piano Proficiency Exam in order to graduate. It's been really hard, but I have been feeling alright. God has blessed me in the fact that I've made a lot of progress. I still am terrible at sight-reading Bach Chorales, but I still have one more quarter.

Last Friday, I took a mock-Piano Proficiency Exam, and as expected I was good at the pieces I've been learning, and good at the transposition section. However, I botched the Chorale.

My professor said kindly, "I think you'll probably pass next quarter." I said I agreed and that I wasn't planning on passing, but that I just wanted the experience.

I spent the weekend studying for my Psych and Analysis finals, and practicing my piano pieces. Today I went to take my Proficiency Exam.

This is how it went:

I played the piece, "Toccatina" and made a rhythm mistake at the end. My professor reminded me to count and asked me to play it again. 

I played the Chorale, and in my opinion took it to a whole new level of awful. I made rhythm mistakes, note mistakes and in places didn't play my left and right hand at the same time. 

I played the transposition and missed the F# in the key of G.

It was a rough exam, but I just wanted the experience.

I left the room at 10 seconds later, my TA ran down the hallway:

TA: "Hannah! Wait!"

Me: "Yeah?"

TA: "You passed."

Me: "WHAT?!"

TA: "You passed. Come back real quick."

Me: "Are you serious?"

TA: "Yes. Come back."

I walked back to the testing room and my professor smiled at me and said, "Congratulations! You passed!"

Me: "Are you sure...?"

Professor: *laughs* "Yes. You could have played it a little faster, but congratulations! You passed!"

I have never been so floored in my entire life. I didn't deserve that. I did not meet the qualifications. Maybe they took pity on me. Maybe my staying after class, and making progress paid off. I don't know, but whatever the reason I know one thing: God was totally present in that room today. I think He told them to pass me in those 10 seconds I was out of the room.

It's moments like this that make me think, "How can we deny the existence of God?" It seems utterly impossible to me.

Not that I've needed more, but I've been praying for more and more confirmation that I am supposed to graduate early and join Keynote staff. The path God has placed me on has been clear, but the future has felt distant and fuzzy. And thus I've been continuously praying that God would remind me what it is He's doing. Today I heard His voice whisper, "I've got this. You just keep walking down this road. Just keep trusting Me."

I'm astounded. Passing the Piano Proficiency Exam at the end of Spring quarter would have been enough. Passing it this early is more than enough. God is SO much more than enough. :)

I was so excited that I came home and made gourmet macaroni and cheese with bacon. Here's a picture. It's got gouda and sharp white cheddar cheese and apple-wood smoked bacon. Yummy! :D

I hope this story was encouraging to all of you. :) Good luck on Finals. Always remember Who gives you the strength to study and Who gifted you with that brilliant mind to pass those finals! :)

--Hannah

Valentine's Day

Hey there everyone! Happy Valentine's Day! :)

Most of you proably already know this, for those of you who didn't, I'm dating Corey Tindall. :D Most of you probably know him, but if you don't you probably recognize his name from my previous posts. He was the bass player in my band on Project and we've been really good friends ever since. In January we made it official. :) He's dee behst! (Nacho Libre reference, anybody?)

Now I truly cannot contain myself and simply MUST tell you how my day went. I woke up this morning in a lot of pain and feeling kind of sick. I tweaked out my back yesterday, and because of that I slept not much at all, thus feeling sick in the morning. However, I resolved to do my laundry and homework and try to go to class.

I decided to leave for piano class and ask my TA if I could just play for him and then leave, because my back was hurting so badly. I was about half way to my car when I saw a Fed-Ex truck pull up in front of my apartment. My roommate, Shelsea, tends to get a lot of stuff in the mail, so I thought it must be for her. However, since nobody was home I ran back over the apartment. This is how the conversation went.

Me: "Excuse me! Hi. I live there, but nobody's home right now."

Fed-Ex Guy: "Oh. Well, are you Hannah?"

Me: "Yes..."

Fed-Ex Guy: "Well then, here you go!"

He handed me a box. It was 18 long stemmed roses from Corey Tindall. 

I was so surprised and thrilled! And I just had to share it with the few of you that read this blog. Haha!

Oh, and he also made me a video of himself singing and playing "Brown Eyed Girl" on the guitar. I think that is what truly won over my heart. :)

Thanks for putting up with my obnoxious bragging, everyone. Happy Valentine's Day! :)

--Hannah

The Light

Hey Internet family and friends! It's been a little bit since I've blogged something other than lyrics. Although, I think song lyrics say so much. I'm rather fond of them. :) If you're lucky, I'll probably share some in this blog.

School, honestly, has been kind of gross. I'm not a fan of 4 out of 5 of my classes. I've shared with you all that I really felt that God impressed upon me to pursue graduating early this year. I have thrown myself head-first into making that happen, and it's definitely proving to be hard work. 

You see, there's this piano class that I'm taking. It's not required, but since I haven't played piano since I was about 10 years old, I decided that it would be beneficial to take the class. I have to pass a "Piano Proficiency" exam in order to graduate, and this class is supposed to prepare you for it.

I'm so grateful that the class is offered, because without it I would not know what I didn't know. And trust me when I tell you that there is A LOT I don't know. I kind of feel like an 8 year-old learning how to play piano again.

The good news is that I'm making steady progress, and God is so much bigger than some stupid piano class. All I can do is trust in His plan for me. If I don't pass the class by the end of the year, I'll have to take an extra quarter of school and pay rent all summer. However, the truth of the matter is that God is in control, and He's definitely teaching me about discipline in this class. How often do I give Him control in other areas of my life, even ones that feel a lot bigger than this, and then cling so hard to the little things that I think I CAN control? I laught at myself sometimes.

The other thing is that I'm taking the Psychology class from Hell. No seriously, it's awful. It claims to be a Psychology class, but honestly it feels like some warped religion class in disguise. I sit there for an hour and half twice a week feeling like my beliefs and world-views are being attacked. It's been the worst class I've ever taken at UCI, and I've had some distressing classes. It feels like I'm going into battle every time I go to the class. 

Actually, it is a battle. Yesterday, I left the class feeling completely defeated. If felt like, "If I can't even handle this, how I am claiming to want to be a missionary with me life?" Lies from all sides.

I feel like my level of spiritual attack had doubled in the last year. I mean, sure I've gone through some rough things, but I haven't felt this amount of lies, fear and doubt combined. Usually, it's just one or another. I left the class and immediately journaled and God brought this verse to my mind:

"For this reason, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:6-7

It was amazing. I know this class is hard, but I know that God is bigger than all of this. And while I cannot see the good in it now, I'm sure He will use it in my life. I also know that God has called me to apply to Keynote, and no amount of fear and doubt will shake me of that conviction.

I've had some wonderful people in my life remind me of these facts. They are such an encouragement. :)

I recently discovered that "The Light" by Sara Bareilles is my new favorite song. I don't know if Sara Bareilles is a Christian, but she is such an insightful lyricist. I'm assuming this song is about a relationship, but for the life of me I cannot listen to it without hearing that it's about Jesus, except for her saying "babe" a couple times. However, it's been tugging at my heart the last couple days. Here are the lyrics. :)

"The Light" by Sara Bareilles

In the morning it comes,

Heaven sent a hurricane.

Not a trace of the sun,

But I don't even run from rain.

Beating out of my chest,

My heart is holding on to You,

From the moment I knew,

From the moment I knew.

---

You're the air in my breath,

Filling up my love-soaked lungs.

Such a beautiful mess,

Intertwined and overrun.

Nothing better than this,

Knowing that the storm can come.

You feel just like the sun,

Just like the sun.

---

And You say "It'll be alright",

I'm gonna trust You, babe,

I'm gonna look in Your eyes.

And You say "It'll be alright",

I'll follow You into

The light.

---

Never mind what I knew,

Nothing seems to matter now.

Oh, who I was without You, I can do without.

No one know where it ends,

How it may come tumbling down,

But I'm hear with You now, 

I'm with You now.

---

And You say "It'll be alright",

I'm gonna trust You, babe,

I'm gonna look in Your eyes.

And You say "It'll be alright",

I'll follow You into

The light.

---

Let the world come rushing in

Come down hard come crushing,

All I need, is right here beside me

And all the love I'm swearing,

Take my love and wear it over Your shoulders

---

And if You say, "It'll be alright"

I'm gonna trust You, babe

And You say "It'll be alright"

I'll follow You into 

The light

The light

The light

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EwjBKzBYW8

Thanks for reading, everybody! I'd love to also tell you that not everything in my life is a struggle right now. A lot of things are going wonderfully. I'm extremely blessed. :) But I do tell you all of this, because I want you to know, so that I can ask you to pray for me. It's going to be an intense rest of the year, but good. :)

"Beloved"

I've been meaning to blog recently, but I haven't found much of a spare moment. This quarter has been insanely busy, and honestly I'm counting down the days until it's over. 53 days until my last final. Oh boy.

But I have been so struck by this song in the past few months, and this morning I woke up with it stuck in my head. :) It's called "Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North.

I'm all about images, and this is such a gorgeous picture of how my Jesus loves us. I just wanted to write down the lyrics for you guys, and hopefully you love it as much as I do. :)

Soon I'll update my blog for real. :)

---

Love of my life,

Look deep in My eyes,

There you will find what you need.

Give Me your life,

The lust and the lies,

The past you're afraid I might see.

You've been running away from Me.

---

You're my beloved.

Lover, I'm yours.

Death shall not part us.

It's you I died for.

For better or worse,

Forever we'll be.

My life it unites us,

And it binds you to Me.

It's a mystery...

---

Love of My life,

Look deep in My eyes,

There you will find what you need.

I'm the giver of life.

I'll clothe you in white.

My immaculate bride you will be.

Oh, come running home to Me.

---

You're My beloved.

Lover, I'm yours.

Death shall not part us.

It's you I died for.

For better or worse,

Forever we'll be.

My love it unites us,

And it binds you to Me.

---

You've been a mistress My wife,

Chasing lovers that won't satisfy.

Won't you let Me make you My bride?

You will drink of My lips

And you'll taste new life.

---

You're My beloved,

Lover, I'm yours.

Death shall not part us.

It's you I died for.

For better or worse,

Forever we'll be.

My love it unites us,

And it binds you to Me.

It's a mystery...

"Beloved"--Tenth Avenue North

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CUGTIWCFyo&NR=1

Blessings Beyond Compare

Hello friends, family and both. :) I'm currently sitting in my living room in Bakersfield, because the grapevine is closed due to snow, so I have no way of getting back to school. It's the first day of the Winter Quarter, but I suppose I will just have to wait it out. And thus, I will update my blog. 

It's been quite an eventful break. I spent one week at home, then drove to Kansas to see my dad's family. It was so much fun to see Uncle Tim, Aunt Rena, and the cousins, not to mention the baby cousins. Emily makes my heart smile. :)

Not only did I get to see my awesome Whyte family, but I also got to see three of my favorite people in the entire world! Corey, Natasha and Tim drove out to Wichita to spend the afternoon with me. It was so wonderful to see them! :)

We didn't get a very decent picture of all four of us, but here's Natasha and me. :) I love this woman.

After Kansas, we drove to Texas and spent about a week with the Fackler family. I love the Fackler family. They are just ridiculous. I can't help but think everytime I'm with them that if a non-family member were to hang out with us, they'd probably think we were insane. I absolutely adore them.

Christmas was great, just hanging out with family. On December 26th, my uncle and I flew out of Dallas to San Diego for the San Diego Winter Conference. We had to be there two days before the conference started, because the worship band was having rehearsals. Everyone in the band got there on that day, and we started rehearsing our sets right away.

The conference was...incredible. Honestly, I came with pretty high expectations, because last year my life was completely changed by it. I couldn't help but think about who I was last year as I went through this past week.

Last year, I was fresh out of the worst year of my life, but God has brought me through, and I was eager to follow Him through the doors He had provided for me. I didn't know what those were, but at Winter Conference God pressed upon me to go on Keynote Summer Project. Ultimately, God used conference for that and to change the direction of my major.

Now here I was, standing in the same room, having gone on Project, changed the direction of my major, and given the opportunity to graduate a year early. I felt so much older than I felt last year, and I no idea what to do with that.

The conference was incredible. All the speakers talked about not wasting your life, which is common for college conferences. I knew I was planning on applying to Keynote staff, but for some reason I wasn't feeling as passionate as I had been. Spritual attack.

On New Year's Eve we got to see a 1 1/2 hour long one-man drama called The Bema. It was all about the second coming of Christ, and the judgement that will take place for Christians. Now this judgment isn't about your sin, but rather what you've done for the kingdom of God while you're on earth. It says in the book of Revelation that we will be rewarded for our faithfulness to what God has called us to do.

The play showed us the life of a fictional middle-aged business man named Daniel Matthewson. He was wealthy and extremely blessed, but he chose to strive for his own ambitions rather than the kingdom of God. When he approached the throne of Jesus, Jesus said to him, "Oh, Daniel. I blessed you so much. I gave you the gift of teaching, and you did not use it. I gave you so much money...and you did nothing with it." 

Of course, Jesus loved him unconditionally, but the image was very powerful. How many of us want to get to Heaven and NOT hear Jesus say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant"? That would be awful. I know I definitely want to hear Him say that to me.

Lately, I've been second guessing my blessings, specifically the blessing of having the opportunity to graduate early. I keep asking, "Is this from You, God?" He blessed me with a lot in my life: a good education, the opportunity to graduate early, wonderful friends, parents that love and support me. 

And the question from The Bema rang loudly in my ears, "What did you do with the blessings I gave you?" 

It was at that moment that I came to my decision that I talked to you guys about in the last entry. I heard the answer loudly and clearly. God willing, I am graduating this summer and I am applying to Keynote staff as soon as possible. :) 

I loved Winter Conference, and it did not disappoint. It was amazing. I am consistently being changed forever because of the way God uses those conferences and the people He has placed in my life. My prayer is that I will talk less and listen louder to His voice as I continue to grow into the woman He wants me to be. 

The SDWC Worship band eating dinner together back stage on New Year's Eve.

Our epic SDWC 2010 band photo, minus Allie. Sad day, she had to leave.

Thanks for reading everyone! Continue to follow as we all make these next steps in our lives. :)

--Hannah

Finals and Decisions

So it's been a while. That seems to be my mantra these days. Everything starts with, "So, I'm sorry it's been a while..."

But seriously, I've been crazy busy and...well, just plain crazy. The truth is every time I decide that it would be a good idea to blog, I remember how stressed I am and that I should be doing something more productive.

Well, it's Finals week and I'm taking a study break. I actually feel a lot less stressed out about finals at the moment. This weekend was insanity, preparing for my Bio final, writing a draft of a really gnarly paper, and finishing up a final draft of another paper. But now that my Bio final has been taken, my Final draft has been turned in, and I've been given my draft back (heavily marked-up by my professor's pen, I might add) I feel better. I don't have anymore finals until Friday, and in this moment I am slightly relaxed.

But the relaxtion doesn't last long for me these days, because as soon as I stop letting productive things like finals distract me (yes, I said distract) I am reminded of the decisions that I have to make.

About a month and a half ago, I went to visit my academic counselor to see what was going on with my classes, now that I'm getting my Bachelor's of Arts. To my surprise, she informed me that not only was on track with my classes, but I would be graduating two quarters early. AND that was only if I WANTED to take an extra quarter, because according to her computer screen, I could graduate this summer, after taking one measly GE summer school class.

Um...what?

If you'll rewind in my blog history a little bit, you will see how much I lamented the prospect of having to return for two more years of school after this incredible summer. If you continue to read, I came to terms with it, asking God to use my schedule as He planned. 

Well, I guess I don't have two more years. I guess I don't really even have ONE more year.

I should be happy, yes? Correct. Absolutely, I should be. Am I? Well, I'm not unhappy. Just petrified. 

Funny how we ask God for one thing, beg Him even, and then if He gives it to us we say, "Wait, what? I didn't think You would really give it to me. No, God! This wasn't part of the plan!!"

Because we've got it all planned out, don't we? We do. Which day to study for which final, who we're going to hang out with on which day, which grad school we're going to, what career path we're choosing, when and who we'll marry. Good gracious, some of us even plan what we're going to wear on certain days of the week.

I'm not pointing fingers at anyone if not also at myself. I can honestly say I've attempted to plan every single one of those areas (even the clothes...)

You would think that by now I would have learned that life is ANYTHING but predictable, but of course, God continues to bring this lesson back into my life. Maybe one day, I'll actually learn it.

I went to Indiana for Lindsay's wedding very soon after this discovery. (Funny how God's timing works out, isn't it?) I got to talk to some people that I both love and respect. They all said some very encouraging things to me. Most notably, Carole Bongard and I had this conversation:

Me: Carole, it's just really freaking me out. I don't feel like I'm old enough to graduate let alone have a full-blown career in full-time ministry. I just don't feel ready for any of this!

Carole: You know, you can see throughout scripture God using people in ways like this. I mean, He asked a 14-year-old girl to be the mother of Jesus...You can't argue with that.

Nope. You can't argue with that.

Just when I thought I was OK with graduating in December 2011, my parents told me over Thanksgiving break that I really needed to be praying and thinking about graduating this summer, because Steven is starting college next year and expenses are pretty tight. 

My panic spiral returned. And in a lot of ways, I'm still freaking out about it. I think what scares me more than anything else is graduating before a lot of my friends. I don't like the idea of not being on the same "life-plane" with them. Does that make sense? They'll be in school, while I'm working. It's not that one is better than the other, they're just different places in life. And I don't feel ready to leave this place in life, even if it is driving me crazy.

And yet, I know God is still, and always is, in control. If y'all would pray for me as I wrestle with decisions, especially over Christmas break, I would really appreciate it. I've got a couple options for what to do after graduation, in regards to Keynote.

I've got a lot people in my life who are extremely loving and supportive, and I feel so blessed to have them in my life. However, none of them can make this decision for me, though I wish they could. So please ask that God would guide me in this decision and that I would be listening for His voice. 

Thanks everyone! And good luck on finals if you've still got them. I'd better get back to studying.

Oh and here's a couple pictures from Bean and Lindsay's respective weddings! :)