Last Thursday I was sitting in Starbucks on campus, and I'd spent the last hour agonizing over what should be one of the easiest writing assignments ever made in the university system.
The assignment was to take a piece of music and technically describe it. Not even really draw conclusions from it, JUST describe it. It was supposed to between 600 and 1800 words long.
Mine? Topped off at a grand total of 626 words.And I kid you not, it was the most grueling and boring 626 words I have ever written in my entire life.
How pathetic is that, right? I can sit here and culminate a blog entry that goes on for thousands of words, or type out a text message that is at least 3 pages long, and when asked to describe a piece by Robert Schumann I falter.
Ridiculous.
And all this nonsense got me to thinking that I am so thankful that God doesnt require us to be eloquent or wordy when we pray. I feel like we try so hard sometimes to impress who, exactly? God or the people we're praying for? Either way, for me, the result is rather abysmal.
The other night I was talking with my roommate and we decided to pray together. I prayed for her, and I stumbled over every single word, thought and "Father, just..." in the entire prayer. I kind of laughed afterwards as she began to chatter off an eloquently pieced together prayer. Why does that bother me? Because I'm afraid that people will think I sound stupid when I pray outloud.
I've certainly come a long way since my high school Bible Study days. I remember refusing to pray outloud, because I was so afraid that I wouldn't have the "right words" to say, but it still lingers.
Being a Bible Study leader has brought a certain amount of nervousness in this area, because I feel like there is a certain standard I have to uphold. After all, people are looking at me more closely now. I'm a "leader". It puts a lot of pressure on the situation, truthfully.
Now, I wholeheartedly agree that leaders should be held to high standard. That we shouldn't go out and get drunk with our friends, just because we're 21. Or that we should be swearing up a storm or something like that. But eloquently praying? Thank goodness, God didn't ask me to have a beautiful poetic prayer, because let me tell you: I fail nearly everytime.
I fail even worse when I'm trying. Isn't that funny? How when we try so hard at something we almost indefinitely fail? Ugh. What an uphill battle.
Last night at church the pastor was saying that the Bible says that Jesus made him self "nothing", but becoming human. This would indicate that humanity is nothingness when compared to the glory of God. The pastor went on to say that when we strive for academic standing, a relationship, popularity, lots of money, or whatever we deem as success--we are essentially trying to acheive the highest amount of...nothingness.
So I say again, why do we stress about trivial things, like what ours prayers SOUND like to others? Shouldn't we be a little more focused on the One we're talking to and not the ones listening?
Just some thoughts...
This weekend is our Fall Retreat! This means there are 24 days until I head out to Indiana! (SO EXCITED!) And it also means that this weekend starts the epic 6 weekends in a row insanity I mentioned in my last blog. Please pray for my sleep, balancing my school work, and above all that I would not try to pull all of this off in my own strength. We all know how that will turn out. :P
Thanks everyone! Tune in next time!
Also, this blog post is a total of 656 words. In case you were wondering. ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment