It Feels Like It's Rainin' You...

I was awakened this morning by the biggest thunder clap I've ever heard. As I peered through my sleep covered eyes into my dimly lit room, I felt like I was in Indiana. I haven't experienced rain like today since then.

Most of you know that I love rain. What you may not know is that, truthfully, I adore rain. Rain says so much more to me than "water falling from the sky" or "Dang, my hair will be ruined on the way to class". When it rains, the air is cleaned and smells beautiful. All the grime of the previous weeks and months is washed away in one fail swoop.

It might sound cheesy, but I view rain washing away that grime like I view Jesus washing away our sins. It just seems like the perfect metaphor to me.

When it rains I feel like it's a gift from God, just to bring joy to my heart. I've heard of people being romanced by the King and that's what rain is for me. Almost as if God is saying, "Hannah, I love you so much!" A simple thing, rain, but it means the world to me. 

I'm sitting on the floor in my living room, wrapped in a fleece blanket with the sliding glass door opened so I can hear and see the beauty God causes to fall from the sky. A few minutes ago, a giant lightning bolt flashed across it. It was absolutely breathtaking. I honestly, wish a picture could do it justice.

I wanted to share a song with you all that I listen to when it rains. It's by Brad Paisley and I know it's not a Christian song, but when I hear it, it sounds like worship to me. It encompasses exactly how rain makes me feel. I'm going to leave the lyrics here, so you can see them. :)

- - - -

When I looked out today,

Saw that the sky was gray,

I thought about the way You love days like this.

Driving into town,

It really started coming down,

Bringing me back around to all that I've missed.

- - -

It feels like it's rainin' You.

It feels like it's rainin' You.

- - -

I didn't even run inside,

Or worry about staying dry,

Besides there's nowhere I can hide from these feelings now.

Runnin' my face,

Takes me to another place,

I can't think of a better way to drown.

- - -

It feels like it's rainin' You.

I can't explain, but I am baptized anew.

It feels like it's rainin' You.

- - -

If I had my way it would do this everyday,

I would never see the sun.

Because the closest I get to holding You again,

Is everytime that sky opens up.

- - -

It feels like it's rainin' You.

I can't explain, but I am baptized anew.

It feels like it's rainin' You.

It feels like it's rainin' You...

--"Rainin' You" Brad Paisley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxACycsuNoQ

 

Lost For Words

Last Thursday I was sitting in Starbucks on campus, and I'd spent the last hour agonizing over what should be one of the easiest writing assignments ever made in the university system.

The assignment was to take a piece of music and technically describe it. Not even really draw conclusions from it, JUST describe it. It was supposed to between 600 and 1800 words long.

Mine? Topped off at a grand total of 626 words.And I kid you not, it was the most grueling and boring 626 words I have ever written in my entire life.

How pathetic is that, right? I can sit here and culminate a blog entry that goes on for thousands of words, or type out a text message that is at least 3 pages long, and when asked to describe a piece by Robert Schumann I falter.

Ridiculous.

And all this nonsense got me to thinking that I am so thankful that God doesnt require us to be eloquent or wordy when we pray. I feel like we try so hard sometimes to impress who, exactly? God or the people we're praying for? Either way, for me, the result is rather abysmal.

The other night I was talking with my roommate and we decided to pray together. I prayed for her, and I stumbled over every single word, thought and "Father, just..." in the entire prayer. I kind of laughed afterwards as she began to chatter off an eloquently pieced together prayer. Why does that bother me? Because I'm afraid that people will think I sound stupid when I pray outloud.

I've certainly come a long way since my high school Bible Study days. I remember refusing to pray outloud, because I was so afraid that I wouldn't have the "right words" to say, but it still lingers.

Being a Bible Study leader has brought a certain amount of nervousness in this area, because I feel like there is a certain standard I have to uphold. After all, people are looking at me more closely now. I'm a "leader". It puts a lot of pressure on the situation, truthfully.

Now, I wholeheartedly agree that leaders should be held to high standard. That we shouldn't go out and get drunk with our friends, just because we're 21. Or that we should be swearing up a storm or something like that. But eloquently praying? Thank goodness, God didn't ask me to have a beautiful poetic prayer, because let me tell you: I fail nearly everytime.

I fail even worse when I'm trying. Isn't that funny? How when we try so hard at something we almost indefinitely fail? Ugh. What an uphill battle.

Last night at church the pastor was saying that the Bible says that Jesus made him self "nothing", but becoming human. This would indicate that humanity is nothingness when compared to the glory of God. The pastor went on to say that when we strive for academic standing, a relationship, popularity, lots of money, or whatever we deem as success--we are essentially trying to acheive the highest amount of...nothingness.

So I say again, why do we stress about trivial things, like what ours prayers SOUND like to others? Shouldn't we be a little more focused on the One we're talking to and not the ones listening?

Just some thoughts...

This weekend is our Fall Retreat! This means there are 24 days until I head out to Indiana! (SO EXCITED!) And it also means that this weekend starts the epic 6 weekends in a row insanity I mentioned in my last blog. Please pray for my sleep, balancing my school work, and above all that I would not try to pull all of this off in my own strength. We all know how that will turn out. :P

Thanks everyone! Tune in next time!

Also, this blog post is a total of 656 words. In case you were wondering. ;)

Weddings, Weddings, Weddings!

Hey Internet World! It's been a while. I've been ridiculously busy. Honestly, it's been kind of stressful, but it's definitely been awesome.

Besides the normal schedule of school and Cru, the biggest thing going on in my life right now is weddings. My best friend, Bean, and my friend and discipler from Keynote, Lindsay. It's definitely exciting!

This past weekend I got to go home and be involved in two Bridal Showers for Bean. One I threw and one her sister threw. They were way fun. We dressed her up in a toiler paper wedding dress (which didn't come out half bad, actually.) Then we got to tell the story about how Shem came to surprise her in Calfornia.

The shower that her sister Michelle threw was so fun. There were loads of cheesy bridal shower games that I am terrible at. It also gave all of the bridesmaid an opportunity to hang out. There are six of us: Bean's little sisters Michelle and Andrea, her honorary little sisters Mallory and Lydia, and two of her best friends, Beth and me. It's going to be a fun wedding. :)

The wedding is in 30 days. Wow! 

The second wedding that's going on is Lindsay's! Exciting news update: After much prayer and planning I am going to be able to attend Lindsay's wedding in Indiana! 

However, it's not just a wedding. I'm flying out and everyone from Stop On Green will be there. Words cannot actually describe how excited I am! There are 36 days left until I make the flight out to Kansas City, Missouri. I'll be staying the night with Natasha and the following morning, Corey and Tim are going to pick us up and we'll make the 8-hour drive to Indianapolis. From there we'll hang out and the wedding is 2 days later. 

It feels like a dream, honestly. Corey and Natasha both called me last Thursday to tell me that it had officially worked out. I think I said, "I'm so freakin' excited!" about 50 times. Haha! I had no idea that I was going to be able to see my team so soon, much less getting to see all the Keynote staff that I love so much. I'm so stoked that God orchestrated it to work out the way that He did. :)

If you did the math with those numbers, you may have noticed these weddings are really close together. In fact, they are 10 days apart. But not just that, in about 3 weeks I have something going on every single weekend for 6 weeks.

October 22-24: Fall Retreat with Cru (Mountains)

October 29-31: SDWC Worship Band Auditions (Fresno)

November 5-7: Bean's Wedding Weekend (LA and Bakersfield)

November 11-15: Lindsay's Wedding "Weekend"/Reunion (Indianapolis)

November 19-21: Crossroads Conference with Cru (Anaheim)

November 25-28: Thanksgiving Break

Yeah, I'm a little overwhelmed. Everything is awesome and very exciting, but I'm definitely a little nervous about how I'm going to stay on top of my studies. I'm a pretty high-stress person, so I know how hard it is for me to fight the desire to worry constantly about things I can't really control. I'd really appreciate prayers during the coming weeks in this area.

On another note, Sam and I have officially stared out Bibly Study. Last night was the first night that I actually helped her lead with our study. Honestly, it was so nerve-wracking. I thank God that He doesn't call us to be perfect, because I'd definitely be failing. ;) 

I'm so thankful to have Sam as my co-leader. She has a very calming presence, and I felt so encouraged everytime she chimed in last night. 

I also found at last week that I'm going to be discipled by my friend, Arggi. She's a senior who is interning with Campus Crusade for Christ this year. She's going to be discipling me and my friend, Michelle. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to grow with them and also grow in my relationship with both of them. They're awesome women. 

Just wanted to give you all a litte insight into my schedule. Thanks so much for your prayers and for reading! :)

Until next time!

--Hannah